A couple disagreeing - "When forgiveness is hard"

When Forgiveness is Hard

When you have been through something traumatic involving another person wronging you, the range of emotions including denial, anger, sadness, depression, rage and even paralysis can be overwhelming and exhausting.

The loss of trust and the feelings of betrayal seem to hang in the air and continue to sabotage joy and peace long after the actual offense or victimization has occurred.

The ongoing consequences of betrayal are not dependent solely upon the severity of the betrayal, but more so how you perceive and process the action or intention…and often that includes what you decide the betrayal says about you.

For instance, being rejected could cause you to believe that you are not worth being loved… or being the constant focus of someone’s anger could cause you to believe that you can’t do anything right. It’s like you need to find a rationale for “why” this happened so that you can take steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again…which can cause you to believe fierce lies about yourself.

Sometimes an offense is too traumatic for an individual to process consciously and the energy of the offense remains physically carried in a part of the body. This is where we will see unexplained pain or a chronic issue of dis-ease that manifest as a result of trauma.

Being at a place in your life where you are able to forgive a wrong that has been done to you is both a brave and counterintuitive place to be.

It’s an individual decision and cannot be based on a universal timeline or set of events.  Everybody’s journey through forgiveness is different.

Even if you fully understand the importance of forgiveness to your own health and healing and you want to forgive, you may still find that your anger or bitterness is in control.

This is where affirming what you know is best…even if you can’t actually be in a state of total forgiveness…is an important step in the right direction.

Stating the right affirmations during your forgiveness journey will help you to

  • Counter the lies that the offense has caused you to believe about yourself
  • Begin to move the ‘stuck’ energy that the offense has imprinted on your physical body
  • Begin to replace your sadness, anger, and despair with acceptance, joy and forward movement

State these affirmations daily to help you reach the point of healing and forgiveness…

  • I am now and always loved, valued and important
  • I am worthy, I am enough
  • I am choosing to forgive because it will bring me healing in all areas of my life
  • I feel peace and joy as I no longer give my power away to those who have wronged me
  • As I turn my weaknesses into strengths, the wisdom learned from the past, creates the strength, desire, and knowledge to become my best self now and in the future

Remember that forgiveness is not a linear event…it’s a process.  You may feel forgiving one day but then revert to anger or despair the next day.

Give yourself the grace to understand that this is normal and always be honest with where you are at.

 As you continue to affirm the above statements and practice forgiveness, new pathways will form, and the old stuck energy of anger and trauma will be released.  Ask for help when you need it and lean on your supporters as you work through this process.

Remember the universe is on your side and is offering loving support as you take these steps… Once you forgive, once you let go, your energy will change forever.

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